


Coping and Yearning

by sxpphicly



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Established SuperCorp, F/F, Fluff, Mention of Maggie, One Shot, Panic Attacks, alex being a qt and also looking after kara, based on 3x02, lena looking after kara, protect my babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 09:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12554864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxpphicly/pseuds/sxpphicly
Summary: A deeper look into how Kara dealt with her panic attacks in 3x02, without the mention of Mon El and a whole lotta Lena Luthor, fluff and domestic cuteness. Pre warning that the theme throughout this is panic attacks and PTSD.





	Coping and Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Soooo this is my first time actually posting something on here, and this came to me at 2am a few nights ago because I felt like it needed addressing more in the episode with more Lena. Also because the thought of Lena caring for Kara literally melts me and makes me weak. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

 

Kara didn’t imagine she'd have another panic attack. Not after growing up and learning how to deal with the PTSD of watching her entire world, literally, explode right in front of her. She didn’t have to have Alex hold her, counting backwards from 100 screaming in between the numbers for Eliza and Jeremiah to come help carry her outside onto the grass.  

  
It was all to much for her when Maggie appeared in front of her suddenly back in the bank, arm wrapped around Kara as she got out her phone. “Alex, I think she’s having a panic attack.”, Maggie explained. "I've got her on the floor but she's breathing erratically, get down here asap." She put her phone down pulling Kara harder into her side.

  
“Maggie,” Kara gasped, hands shaking. She couldn’t see exactly what Maggie was doing through her tears, all of her senses on overload, sound, sense, touch, it was unbearable, she only hoped no one else would come into the volt. 

  
“It’s okay I’ve got you. Look at me talking, watch and listen to the words I’m saying and try to focus okay?” Maggie asked picking up her phone again.

 

“Lena, it’s Maggie. Kara’s having a panic attack I need you to- Yeah we’ll meet you there.”

 

* * *

 

  
The following day and Kara still hadn’t gotten over her episode, as Alex, Lena and Maggie were referring to it as. Instead she had shut everyone out, she didn’t mean to but she couldn't ditch the feeling that she was completely alone. Only Kara had endured what she did as a child, and no amount of support or shoulders to cry on would change the fact that she was completely alone. 

   
She snapped at Lena in Catco, regretting it immediately. Lena was firm with her, but she could still see the softness behind her eyes. Lena knew she was hurting and didn’t know what to do apart from hold her at night and soothe her when she woke up screaming. Kara knew she was trying and that was all she needed at the moment. 

  

“I’ll get in touch with your contact at the Bank.” Kara muttered, leaving towards the elevator. Lena gave her an apologetic smile, Kara knew she had to put up this facade in front of everyone else to not show favouritism, it sucked. 

 

Her phone rang as she walked in, “Kara, she hit another bank.”

 

“I’m on my way.” Kara ripped her shirt open, beginning to strip down to her suit when the claustrophobia kicked in. She stumbled, unsure why her breaths were suddenly laboured, vision blurring and body going numb. 

 

She hit the top floor button repetitively, knowing she could go to James' office, but failing as elevator continued to go down. Collapsing to the floor Kara began to hyperventilate. All she could see was the pod taking her away from Krypton. Looking around the small space, it made everything worse. She panicked because she couldn't stop panicking, she wasn't human, how was it possible for this to happen to her so severely? Kara shut her eyes and put her head between her legs, it failed to help and only heightened her visions of Krypton. 

 

Raising her head she looked up, the only thing she could think about was air and not suffocating, she felt the walls closing in on her like the pod taking her away. Her brain was caught between crashing through the top of Catco and having to explain to Lena later what happened.

 

She felt like she was dying, incapable of doing anything but think about her fear of dying. Her body shaking, she made up her mind, seconds later Kara was flying higher and higher into the sky catching her breath.

 

“I’m okay. I’m headed there now.” Kara said into her earpiece. 

 

“She got away.”

 

After that incident, Kara grew more and more angry with Psi. It was killing her inside knowing she could take her down, but failing to every time she got stuck in her head, her fears and worst moments coming to the surface all at once. As expected, Lena was mad about the gaping hole through the top floors of Catco having spent a total of three hours there before something went horribly wrong. Having explained what actually happened however, Lena immediately softened, pulling Kara into her arms. 

 

“I’m not actually mad, it’s just coming up with a way to explain what the hell happened when you were the only one in the elevator.” Lena rolled her eyes. Kara stroked up and down her arm apologetically. "But it's okay. As long as you're okay."

 

"It's just tiring, mentally and physically. I didn't think I could still have them, or that they could wear me out like this still. I really am sorry about the elevator." They looked out of James' office towards the construction workers moving through the building.

  
"it's okay, truly. We'll have a relaxing night in tonight, sound good?" Lena asked pecking Kara on the lips quickly. 

 

"Sounds good."  

 

 

* * *

 

 

It happened all at once, Kara began to think she had Psi under control with the device Winn had given her. The next time she opened her eyes she was crashing through space in her pod, Krypton combusting in the background, Kara only got glimpses, the distortion from the spinning pod making her feel sick.

 

She was having another panic attack, this one the most intense. Kara couldn’t focus on anything, eyes wildly looking around in fear and trying to press herself against the seat of the pod.

 

_Breathe Kara._  She tried to count, tried to think of anything but her world crumbling. The fear of not only seeing everything she knew die in front of her but the fear of dying alone in that pod.

 

She was dying. Kara couldn’t breathe and she was dying. Closing her eyes she started whimpering as she gasped for air desperately.

 

The tugging on her arm came from her mother suddenly, flash backs to her final moments.

 

“Mommy,” Kara cried, broken between her gasps. 

 

Kara was dying. She felt lightheaded and craved to breathe, the tugging on her arm becoming more incessant. Everything was bright and loud, flashing from the silence she experienced floating through space, to the unbearably loud explosion of Krypton and red light everywhere.

 

“Kara!” Someone was screaming at her. Kara couldn’t stop the dying thoughts from circling through her brain, struggling to remember everything she’d learnt about controlling her panic attacks.

 

Eliza and Jeremiah, the oversized headphones they made for her and sitting in the bath tub, Alex and Lena.

 

Alex and Lena. Lena.

 

Lena, please Rao think of Lena and how she guided Kara through the episodes she'd had earlier that year. Her vision became blurred, closing her eyes everything went dark and silent, finally.

 

Gasping as she opened her eyes, Alex was in front of her, hands on her face trying to reach her.

 

“Kara, I know, in and out. Remember how we used to do it?” Alex demonstrated, it was no use.

 

“Alex, can’t, dying.” Kara was fully sobbing, it was uncontrollable, Kara wanted to scream but she couldn’t for long enough without hyperventilating.

 

“I know sweetie look at me.” Alex demanded, pulling out her phone she kept breathing for Kara to follow. It helped somewhat, until Kara started mumbling again.

 

“Krypton, dying Alex. It’s gone.” The memory started Kara off again, hyperventilating dangerously fast, if it weren’t for her alien biology Alex was sure she would’ve passed out. It felt too real, with the memory burned in her brain Kara felt like she had just landed on Earth all over again.

 

“Lena it’s Alex. She’s having another one. Yeah it’s bad, can you get down here? Okay, Kara listen to Lena.” Kara collapsed into Alex, body sagging as she listened.

 

“Kara? Babe it’s me.” 

 

“Lena.” Kara cried, she needed Lena. It was all too much. Alex ran soothing hands down her back.

 

“I know babe, I know. Talk to me, tell me what you had for breakfast.”

 

“Waffle, syrup…Lena, can’t. Too bad.” Kara started sobbing again violently. Everything was too loud, she could hear everything happening in the city all at once, it was deafening.

 

“Lena it’s bad, how quickly can you get down here?”

 

Before she could finish Kara pushed upwards, not properly flying but more like throwing herself towards L Corp. The open space helped somewhat, but it wasn’t enough.

 

She couldn’t get the image of Krypton dying out of her head. All of those people, her friends and family, everyone. All gone.

 

She fell out of the sky onto the L Corp balcony, Lena running outside to kneel next to Kara, hanging up the phone.

 

“Kara,” she gasped pulling Kara into her chest. It was an awkward position, Lena kicked her shoes off and sat on the floor properly pulling Kara into her. She sat against the wall, guiding Kara’s hands to her chest she started to breathe.

 

“Follow me Kara. Watch my breaths and match me. Listen to my heart and my voice only.” Lena asked, calm and firm.

 

It broke Lena in half, seeing the fear in Kara’s eyes and not being able to take that pain away from her.

 

“Lena,” she gasped, looking truly terrified.

 

“I know. You’re doing so good babe. So, so good. That’s it, follow me and look at me speaking.” Kara watched intently, beginning to slow down.

 

“Good job, keep following me and don’t stop. Focus everything on me, sight, smell, hearing, touch. Everything Kara.” Lena didn’t break her eyes away from her even as she unlocked her phone.

 

“Jess cancel everything for the rest of the day and reschedule, also let Agent Danvers up immediately when she arrives. You can excuse yourself for the rest of the day after Miss Danvers arrives. I have a personal matter I need to attend to, thanks.” Lena hung up.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kara cried, Lena could see her speeding up again.

 

“Hey, don’t ever apologise for this. You’re okay. I love you.” Kara slowed again.

 

“Keep...talking,” Kara asked desperately, her breaths became more shallow but she was having a sensory overload episode on top of the panic attack, Kara put her everything into Lena.

 

“Did you know Winn recruited Alex and Maggie to help him try and win Monopoly the other night? Alex told me yesterday. He bribed them with tickets to see The Neighbourhood next weekend and still couldn’t defeat me. As revenge I was thinking of enlisting everyone at game night to help me destroy him the next time we play Monopoly and then announce I have tickets to see Paramore for everyone but him.” Lena was smirking mischievously, desperately trying to distract Kara. 

 

Kara laughed momentarily, attempting to speak. “You’re mean.” Kara breathed, the sight of Krypton kept flashing back, each time bringing new tears.

 

“He should know by now that no one messes with Lena Luthor and gets away with it.” Lena said scowling playfully. Kara smiled, breaths having nearly slowed down completely.

 

Kara looked at Lena, not wanting to talk about what the attack, and sobbed again. Lena’s heart broke for her girlfriend, pulling her against her chest.

 

“I know baby, they’re horrible aren’t they? But I’ve got you now and you’re safe.” Lena whispered stroking her hands through Kara’s hair. "I love you so much. You're doing great."

 

“Alex is coming,” Kara said, hearing her sister come through the main lobby hurriedly making her way to the elevator. She’d heard Alex making her way across town, stopping off at Kara’s apartment to get what she needed. Alex burst through the door then, special headphones and weighted blanket in hand.

 

“Hey sweetie how are you doing?” Alex rushed over dropping everything to the floor and crouching. 

 

Kara looked at Alex and shook her head.

 

“Breathing has almost gone back to normal, she’s hyperventilating every moment or so, just the expected tears.” Lena answered moving her hand to Kara’s cheek.

 

“Okay, good. We’ve got Psi so there’s nothing else to worry about. Go home and rest though okay?” Alex said pushing Kara’s hair behind her ear.

 

Kara held onto Alex’s arm and tugged her down onto the balcony floor. She moved from Lena’s lap to sit against Alex, new tears forming. Alex had always been there for her when they were children and she had attacks like this, it used to tire her out so much so that she’d collapse onto Alex and sleep for hours. The familiarity broke Kara into two, snuggling into Alex further as she cried.

 

“You did good Kara,” Alex whispered pressing a kiss to her hairline. "I'm so proud of you."

 

Lena stood up and went to her desk phone, “I just need to sort some things out and then I’ll take her home.” Lena explained.

 

Alex nodded and put the headphones on Kara’s head. Immediately it helped, noise reducing only to what felt like Lena’s building. In comparison to what she was experiencing before, it was a god given gift.

 

“I’m sorry Alex. I didn’t get her.” Kara's breaths became shallow again and Alex held her harder.

 

“Hey hey, breathe 3 in and 6 out. I don’t want to hear you apologising for anything. You’ve just had a traumatic episode and the only thing I care about is you being okay and feeling safe again.” Alex said. Kara nodded, having nothing to say and closed her eyes. 

 

Lena went about calling her driver, finalising some things with Jess and shutting down her computer.

 

“Okay everything’s done. Lets get you home.” Lena said kneeling in front of the sisters. If it weren’t for Kara’s panic attack Lena would’ve found the sight endearing.

 

Kara moved to stand, breathing deeply as she looked over the city. “Keep up the counting okay?” Lena commented holding her hand.

 

Kara changed into her normal clothing before the three made their way downstairs, taking a more private elevator towards the car park where Lena’s driver was waiting with the door open by the elevator. Alex said she’d come and check up on her later, explaining she had some business to finish at the DEO.

 

Kara spent the car trip with her legs over Lena’s lap, head tucked into her neck with the weighted blanket covering them. She whispered soft words and ran her fingers through Kara’s hair as they made their way towards the apartment. Kara for the most part was silent the whole way, crying silently and keeping her eyes closed.

 

Once there, Lena helped Kara into her favourite pyjamas, put on the first old film she saw, Rebel Without a Cause. She tucked Kara in under the weighted blanket on the couch, stroking her hair until she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Some hours later when Kara stirred it was dark out, and she felt more relaxed. Roman Holiday was now playing, and she could smell her Lena's homemade chicken soup. Something inside her felt at peace at the familiarity, one of her favourite films playing, Lena cooking in the background and her special blanket calming her anxieties. “Lena?” She asked, sitting up and looking towards the kitchen.

  
“Hey Sleepyhead. How do you feel?” Lena asked leaving the stove and sitting next to Kara.

 

“Physically fine. Mentally…not so much.” Kara smiled sadly, wiping at her eyes with her shirt, the memories flooding back in. Kara hated how she couldn't stop crying, the weakness bringing her down.

 

“You ready to talk about it?” Lena asked softly, arms open for Kara to snuggle into.

 

“It was Krypton again.” Kara mumbled as she rubbed her eyes, her panic attacks always wore her out.

 

“I know. You were mumbling in your sleep again.” Lena said softly, wiping under her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry Lena. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I just-”

 

“Kara. You went through a terrifying and traumatic event at such a young age and lost everyone you knew. You’re allowed to breakdown and not be okay every once in a while. Supergirl or not Kara Danvers is still in there, and still hurting.”

 

Kara smiled sadly again, fresh tears falling at the sincerity of Lena’s words. “I will never be mad at you for having a panic attack Kara. I love you and I will always be here for you.” Lena assured her, pulling her in for a tighter cuddle.

 

“I love you too.” They stayed like that for a while, Kara eventually turning in Lena’s arms so she they could watch Roman Holiday, snuggled under her blanket.

 

Kara was still crying, all of her emotions bubbling to the surface, but she felt safe. It was a weird sensation, feeling the pain of her entire life crumbling in front of her, but also the knowing that she had Lena, she had her family, and a whole lifetime ahead of her with them to heal. 

 

They retired to the bedroom early that night, and Kara broke down, explaining every detail of her attacks and the visions, Lena held her through the whole thing, wiping away her tears and running a hand up and down her back. Slowly they fell asleep tangled in each others arms. 

 

For the first time in a long time, Kara had the overwhelming sensation that everything would be okay.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is sapphicmeg btw xoxo


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